Saphire's End
by SaphireTsukikage
Summary: I need help! Please read this scene and review it in detail. I need help refining this scene. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW I'M BEGGING YOU! This is a death scene between Kiba and Saphire. If possible, read my other Naruto stories first so it makes more sense.
1. Original Version

Second to last scene with Saphire and Kiba before shippuden

Use "my last breath" by evanescence

Saphire "dies" fighting a Hyuuga (IT'S HIASHI) because of messed up chakra pathways

(Saphire running through a forest suddenly stops in a clearing, holding her hand to her chest, she realizes she's not wearing her crystal. Mentally gasps/yells "KIBA!! It…hurts…") Kiba gets there just in time to catch her as she falls, yells "Saphire!" just as he catches her. The Hyuuga attacks messed up her chakra too much, and she can't keep her main chakra balanced without her crystal.

Before she dies, Saphire drops genjutsu and shows Kiba her true form (fur, tails, ears, eyes, etc.)

Also tells him "No matter what, keep my fangs, my swords with you, you and my fangs are my strongest tie to this world. This isn't the end. Wait nine months, one month for each of my tails to reform. On the night of the full moon in the tenth month, one of Inari's messengers will be here waiting for you."

Kiba: But how..?

Saphire: You'll recognize it as soon as you see it. And this will lead you.

(leans up to kiss Kiba, when he pulls away, saphire blows small ball of fox fire into him with her last breath)

"My soul will guide you…"

Small explosion of blue fire lights up the whole clearing, saphire is gone. Kiba faints from chakra exhaustion and blood loss.

(Next Morning) Kiba wakes up in the hospital, and immediately jumps up from the bed, scaring Naruto and Tsunade.

"Where's Saphire!?" He yells.

Tsunade frowns and looks at him. "We were just going to ask you that Kiba. We found you with Saphire's swords in the forest last night. Lucky for you, a few of the others saw the flash bomb you set off."

Kiba stares at her with his mouth open. "Then…it wasn't just a nightmare. She really is...no, she can't be. Not her. I've gotta find her!" he tries to run out the door but Tsunade grabs him.

"You're not going anywhere. What happened last night?" She demands, while hauling Kiba back into his bed, and quickly tying him down. Kiba tells her what happened, still hoping it was just a nightmare. Tsunade is about to say something when Kakashi comes in holding something.

"Found a badly injured Hiashi in his house this morning, telling one of his servants to destroy this." He holds out his hand, showing Saphire's now broken necklace with the crystal and two fangs. "He said, and I quote, 'Destroy the demon's necklace so it can't come back."

Kiba starts struggling and yells "That bastard, I'll kill him! He killed Saphire! HE KILLED HER!!"

Naruto stares at the necklace, his eyes turning redder as he does. Then he says in the double voice of the Kyuubi and himself "That bastard killed my sister. HE...!!"

Naruto gets cut off as Neji, Hinata, and Hanabi come running into the room. Neji and Hanabi both yell "Where's Saphire?!" while Hinata mumbles "Tou-san was saying things, wanted to make sure he wasn't serious…"

All three see from the looks on everyone's faces, especially Kiba, that Hiashi was serious.

All turn around when Anko, leaning in the door, says "He attacked her when her back was turned. After she finished putting a barrier around the complex, he attacked her.

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That's all I've got so far, and i will be adding to it. I don't yet know which story it will be used for, either way it will be awhile before it's used. I might not even use it in any of my current stories. But no matter when i'm going to use this, i need opinions. I know it's confusing, but thats because this is an extremely rough draft, meant more for my reference than anything. Actually, none of it would make sense right now...but whatever. Please please please leave lots of detailed reviews, i need help refining this scen as it will be a high point in a story sooner or later. Oh and im one of the people that thinks Hiashi is a jerk. Because..all the evidence says he is. And this is actually my first attempt at writing a death scene. i can easily imagine it, but i don't know how well i put it into words...anyways REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW I'M BEGGING YOU!!! I NEED HELP ON THIS SCENE!!!


	2. Revision One

Second to last scene with Saphire and Kiba before shippuden

Use "my last breath" by evanescence

(Hiashi attacked Saphire when she started to walk away from the complex after putting a protective barrier up to protect the complex, because they were being attacked. Hiashi messed up her chakra and ripped her necklace away from her. Of course she started fighting back, but she can't last long when fighting without her managed to knock him out, but she didn't realize he took her necklace, she just thinks her chakra got messed up, and normally her chakra would balance itself because of the crystal on her necklace.)

(It's the middle of winter, and everything is covered in ice and snow, it's nighttime and it's the night of the full moon)

(Saphire running through a forest (towards the other fights) suddenly stops in a clearing, holding her hand to her chest, she realizes she's not wearing her crystal. Mentally gasps/yells "KIBA!! It…hurts…" Kiba gets there just in time to catch her as she falls. The Hyuuga attacks messed up her chakra too much, and she can't balance her chakra out.

Kiba: "Saphire, what happened? What's wrong?"

Saphire: (voice is fainter) Stupid Hyuuga attacked me when I had my back turned, right after I put a barrier around the complex to protect his family…and he took my crystal...chakra is too messed up…

Kiba: We've gotta get you to Tsunade-sama, she'll be able to fix your chakra pathways.

Saphire: (coughs, blood trickles out of mouth, and she flinched because it made her wounds twinge) As soon as I'm gone, get my necklace back from the stupid Hyuuga. Keep it with you, it will let me return...I don't know when…

Kiba: But…how?

Saphire: Look for Inari's messenger on the night of the full moon…and…

(She leans up to kiss Kiba, and, as she falls back, Saphire blows small ball of fox fire into him with her last breath)

"My soul will guide you…"

Foxfire bursts outward and Saphire's body is gone…but there is a small silver necklace with a frosted glass fox pendent. The fox has blue ears and blue tipped tails. Kiba picks the necklace up and notices that a small blue flame had appeared in the heart of the pendent when he touched it. He faints from chakra exhaustion and blood loss with the pendent in his hand.

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(Next Morning) Kiba wakes up in the hospital, and immediately jumps up from the bed, scaring Tsunade.

"Where's Saphire!?" He yells.

Tsunade frowns and looks at him. "I was just going to ask you that Kiba. Several ANBU found you last night in the middle of the forest with a necklace in your hand…and no trace of Saphire anywhere. You're lucky somebody saw a small explosion in that area and thought it was you."

Kiba stares at her with his mouth open. 'Then…it wasn't just a nightmare. She really is...no, she can't be. Not her. I've gotta find her!' he tries to run out the door but Tsunade grabs him.

"You're not going anywhere. What happened last night?" She demands, while hauling Kiba back into his bed, and quickly tying him down. Kiba tells what happened, leaving out the part about her soul guiding him, and her coming back, still hoping it was just a nightmare. Tsunade is about to say something when Kakashi comes in holding something.

Kakashi holds out his hand, and in it is Saphire's necklace with a cracked crystal, but the two fangs are still intact.

Kakashi: "I went to check on the Hyuugas this morning and found Hiashi limping around with this in his hand. He told one of his servants to destroy but I stopped him. Saphire wouldn't willingly part with this necklace, but Hiashi refused to tell me how he got it. (He turns toward Kiba) I can't find her anywhere, this is her real necklace isn't it? I know you two were bonded through the fangs on your necklaces…"

Kiba starts struggling and yells "That bastard, I'll kill him! He killed Saphire! HE KILLED HER!!"

Kakashi stares at him, and then says to Tsunade and Kiba, "Explain."

Kiba: "The bastard attacked her after she put up a barrier to protect the complex. He attacked her when her back was turned, and he took her necklace. The fucker knew she needed the necklace to keep her main chakra balanced! He took it and then screwed up her chakra even more! He KILLED her!! THE BASTARD FUCKING MURDERED HER WHEN SHE WAS TRYING TO PROTECT HIS FAMILY!!"

Kiba is struggling against the ropes that are tying him to the bed. Suddenly, Naruto comes running in, breathing hard.

Naruto: "Kyuubi keeps saying something is wrong with Saphire, he's been panicky all morning. Where is she?"

Naruto looks around the room, and then notices how heartbroken Kiba looks, and notices the stricken looks on Kakashi's and Tsunade's faces. Finally he notices Saphire's necklace.

Before he can say anything, Tsunade says in a loud voice "ANBU!"

Two ANBU, one with a cat mask, and the other with a wolf mask, appear in front of her.

Tsunade: "You heard the conversation. Go, get Hiashi and bring him here. He is to be charged with murder and treason."

Naruto, with a surprised look on his face, begins to ask "What happened?" but cuts off with a gasp. When he looks back up, his eyes are red, and his whiskers are thicker. The Kyuubi has taken over.

Kyuubi/Naruto: "Peace, Hokage. I hold nothing against you or your village, like I did. I know who brought me to this world. I hold a grudge only against the Uchiha clan, and the Hyuuga who sent my sister from this world. He murdered her when her back was turned, when she has never done anything against him. Trash like that does not deserve to live."

Kiba suddenly speaks up.

Kiba: "Tsunade-sama, the necklace you found with me, where is it?"

Tsunade: "It's right here."

Tsunade turns around and picks the necklace up off of the table next to the bed. When it catches the light Kiba notices that it has two small carved sapphires for eyes. The blue flame inside it is still visible in the light of the hospital room.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------Author's Note----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay i rewrote most of it and added a bit. I know this is probably better, but does it make more sense? and is the writing any clearer? PLEASE REVIEW! I NEED FEEDBACK!

and harsh criticism, while not wanted, is accepted.


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